


Another "Love" Story

by SketchSleepRepeat



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Connor Lives, Deaf!Evan, Dysphoria, Gay, Homophobia, I will put a warning at the beginning of each chapter, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Self Harm, Trans!Jared, Transphobia, binding, swears
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-09-24 15:07:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17102879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SketchSleepRepeat/pseuds/SketchSleepRepeat
Summary: How did the infamously "charming" Jared Kleinman get together with the emo loner Connor Murphy? Well, lets just say it took a lot of patience and loathing.





	1. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1st Chapter contains: Binding, Dysphoria, Swearing, and a small physical/verbal fight.

In out. In out. Just take deep breaths and the pain will fade… hopefully.  
Jared rubbed his chest and winced. He knows you're not supposed to bind with bandages.  
But he had no other choice.  
He just wants to be happy.  
He straightened in his seat and he felt the pain subside a bit.  
But it was quickly replaced with an awful ache, an ache that felt like his chest was going to burst.  
Jared felt the strong urge to cry, from pain and from despair.  
Eventually, he broke.  
Jared raised his hand and asked to go to the bathroom, bringing his backpack with him.  
Jared ran into a stall and locked himself in, quickly pulling off his shirt.  
He looked down at the bandages wrapped tightly across his chest.  
He closed his eyes and took a deep breathe; he grabbed the end of the bandage and pulled.  
The bandages loosened and he folded them up, placing them in his back pack.  
He removed a sports bra and put it on; he took a deep and satisfying breath.  
He lifted his shirt above his head and winced as his chest was still aching.  
That's when the dysphoria decided to kick back in.  
He knew the sports bra didn’t conceal his chest, but he couldn't go through the pain again.  
"God-fucking-damnit" he whispered, running his hands through his hair.  
"Damn, kid, watch your mouth." said a cold voice.  
Jared froze. Had someone been in here the whole time?  
"W-Who's there?"  
He heard the person shuffle in the stall next to him; he suddenly felt the presence of someone looking from above.  
When Jared looked up, he saw the one and only Connor Murphy.  
He scowled and crossed his arms over his chest. "Of course it's you."  
"Klienman." Connor replied in a type of greeting.  
Jared could tell Connor was high, his blood shot eyes told him everything.  
Jared scoffed and picked up his back pack. "You can't go a school day without getting high? No wonder you're a disappointment."  
Connor's face flashed with rage and he jumped down out of view.  
Jared shook his head and unlocked the bathroom door and opened it to a very angry Connor.  
"Shit man!" Jared said, startled. "Don't do that!"  
Connor walked up to Jared and stuck a finger in his face, "Don't ever call me a disappointment again. You fucking hear, Klienman?"  
Jared gulped and nodded his head. He couldn't lie, he was pretty scared of Connor Murphy, but it would be a cold day in hell before he ever admitted it.  
Connor glared at him a few seconds longer then finally turned to walk away.  
Jared let out a shaky breath and hoisted his back pack on his shoulders.  
"Hey, Kienman?" Jared looked up to see Connor facing him again, but the anger in his face was replaced with concern.  
"What now, Murphy?"  
Conner rubbed his neck and looked back at Jared. "Use two sports bras next time or I know a tank-top method that works pretty well. Just… don't use bandages anymore."  
Jared was speechless. Did the asshole Connor Murphy just give him binding tips? He must be dreaming.  
"Um.. Yea.. Uh thanks, Connor."  
Connor nodded and left the bathroom. Jared shook his head and followed him out, but turning the opposite way.  
'What the actual fuck just happened?' Jared thought, and he headed down to his history class.

/```/```/```/```/

The bell rang to mark the end of fourth period, signaling that it was time for lunch.  
And also signaling Jared's favorite "class".  
He made his way to the cafeteria and jumped in line, which earned a few rude calls as he had skipped some people.  
Jared hardly cared. He was too busy scanning the crowd for a familiar face. Finally he found one.  
Evan Hansen.  
Jared and Evan had been friends for a while now, and Jared always said he was annoying but to be truthful, Evan was one of his only friends.  
Scratch that. Evan was LITERALLY his only friend. But he was never going to admit that, especially not out loud.  
And of course, Evan never heard a word he said. Ever.  
Mostly because the poor anxious wreck was… deaf.  
It drove Jared insane sometimes but what could he do?  
He knows what it's like to have people tease and pick on him; he wasn't about to put Evan through the same fate (Even if he did some days but that’s beside the point).  
Also, his mom would beat his ass.  
Grabbing his tray, he walked over and plunked down next to Evan. Evan nearly jumping out of his seat.  
Evan signed something so fast Jared couldn’t even register a word, also it didn't help that Evan's cast made it a pain in the ass.  
Jared sighed, exasperated, and dragged his right hand up his left arm, followed by him rubbing a circle on his chest with an open palm, ' _slow please_ '  
Evan looked panicky as shaky hands began to sign again, " _sorry.. I said -What are you doing? You never sit with me.-_ "  
Jared shrugged, "You looked lonely. Plus, I ran into Connor Murphy in the bathroom."  
Evan's eyes grew big, his mouth hanging open a little bit. " _C-O-N-N-O-R?? Like crazy C-O-N-N-O-R?_ "  
"How many Connor's do we know? YES that Conner. Jesus, Evan keep up."  
Evan's face flashed with hurt. He may have been deaf, but he could read lips pretty damn well.  
Jared decided to ignore it and his guilt and continue with the conversation, "Well, anyways he was higher than a fucking kite. And he even gave tips for.. Binding."  
At this, Evan's hurt look turned into a confused one. " _Binding? What would he know of binding?_ "  
"More than you would. Seriously, man, he's secretive he could be-"  
"A tranny?"  
'shit..' Jared thought. He turned around to see Connor Murphy, yet again looking pissed.  
"H-Hey! Whassup, Connor?" he said, ignoring Evan signing " _what the F-U-C-K?_ "  
Connor rolled his eyes, "If you want to know if I'm trans, you can just ask."  
A pause. "Well.. Are you?"  
"No. I just know because of… a friend."  
" _Then why do you look so mad?_ " Evan asked, Jared translating for him.  
"I don’t like people talking behind my back. Especially when it's Klienman."  
Jared turned back in his seat, the conversation having lost his interest. "I call you a school shooter one time and you get all whiney about it. Just go get high and leave us alone."  
Evan looked back at Connor, who was ready to explode, and tried his best to sign to him.  
" _Whatever he said, ignore it. He's an assho-_ "  
"WOULD YOU QUIT IT? You're lame ass attempts to stop me from beating your 'friend' aren't going to fucking work!" Connor screamed.  
Evan looked like a kicked puppy and sunk into his seat. Becoming invisible was the only option left for him.  
Jared stood up abruptly, rage flowing through him, "DON'T FUCKING TALK TO HIM LIKE THAT!"  
Connor scoffed and stepped closer, his face an inch from Jared's, "Or what? It's not like he can hear me anyways."  
Jared could feel his eye twitch at the statement. Connor smirked. "Awww are you getting upset? I bet you wanna knock my lights out."  
Jared's hands shook as he figured out how to approach this. Option A: He punches Connor and he gets in severe trouble  
Option B: Let Connor kick his ass and lets him treat Evan like shit.  
Looks like its Option A.  
Next thing he knew he was swinging his fist at Connor's face, knocking him off his feet from surprise.  
Connor hardly had anytime to react before he was on the ground.  
Here's a lesson kids, punches only look good in films.  
In real life? They hurt like motherfucking hell.  
Evan was on his feet now, shaking uncontrollably.  
Jared looked down at Connor, who was touching his cheek where the punch had landed.  
"Don’t fuck with me, Murphy." Jared seethed  
Jared grabbed Evan's wrist and left the cafeteria, having to push through a crowd of students.  
They ended up across the school, hiding in an abandoned classroom that’s only used for extra supplies and for when teens want to be 'alone'.  
Jared let go of Evan's wrist and sat on the floor, putting his hands in his hair.  
He felt tears clouding his vision. 'Not now, damnit.'  
He clenched his teeth and held back as many tears as he could. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder.  
Evan was looking down with a soft smile. " _It will B-E O-K._ " he signed.  
" _No. I F-U-C-K-E-D U-P._ " Jared signed back, not feeling the strength to speak.  
" _You W-E-R-E a good friend._ " Evan signed. " _I couldn’t hear what he said, but I'm glad I have a friend L-I-K-E you._ "  
Evan sat next to Jared and put his arm around him. Normally, Jared would push him away, but he was too emotional to do anything.  
" _You can cry. I won't judge._ "  
Jared let out a harsh laugh. " _It will B-E a cold day in hell when you see that, H-A-N-S-E-N._ "  
Evan didn't sign back. Jared figured he was tired and didn't want to talk/sign anymore, so he just relaxed, as best as he could.  
He felt Evan rubbing his shoulder in comforting circles. God, he hated feeling this drained. It wasn't even like he got into a huge fight.  
It was only one punch.  
He sighed and look down at his knuckles. He wondered if they'd be bruised by tomorrow, so people could see his _awesome_ battle wounds.  
Yea, tomorrow was going to be a god awful day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jared's binding experience is based on one of my own failed attempts at binding. Mine was much worse as I was very unprepared, but Jared is much smarter than me. Please don't use bandages to bind! Google safer and more comfortable ways if you don't have a binder. <3  
> Also, Jared is in men's bathroom, which he only goes in if he's sure there's no other males. (Not sure if that makes sense??)  
> Please give kudos and comments!


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared find Evan with a signed cast and meets an unwanted guest in the janitors closet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Contains: Transphobia (incorrect pronouns), swearing, and pot/weed reference

"Holy fuck! Murphy got his ass kicked."

"Great. Now he's really gonna shoot up the school."

"Yo, did you see you punched him though?"

"Kleinman?? You're shitting me!"

"So, you're telling me a _girl_  beat his ass? That's pretty lame."

"Shut up! _It's_ right there!"

Jared kept his head low, feeling his stomach flip every time he heard someone refer to him as a _she_ or an _it_.  
People stared. People whispered.  
He much preferred it when he was invisible, something he had taken for granted.  
'I need to find Evan. I need to find Evan.' He repeated to himself.  
He walked down the hall until he reached Evan's locker; the locker door blocked his face, but it didn't block his cast which seemed to suddenly have writing on it.  
Jared was confused. There was no writing on it yesterday.  
He grabbed Evan's arm, sending Evan into a fast panic, and burned with rage as he read the letters.  
In black, capital letters, Evan's cast read 'C O N N O R'  
"When the fuck did this happen?" Jared seethed through his teeth.  
Evan shook his head, signing, " _J, I can't read your lips._ "  
"When. The fuck. Did this. Happen." Jared pronounced every word, making sure Evan knew he was pissed.  
Evan got the hint and started to panic. His hands were shaking so bad he could hardly sign.  
Jared looked into Evan's locker and took out a pen and a piece of paper, "Write. It."  
As Evan was writing, Jared tried to calm himself.  
'Just relax. This is probably just a misunderstanding. Maybe it's a different Connor?'  
Evan handed him the note, his shaky hand writing a pain in the ass to decipher.  
Jared read it and felt himself getting worked up again.

_'I was in the computer lab and Connor was there. He came up to me and.. Told me he was sorry for what he said. He asked to sign my cast and I didn't want to make him mad so I.. Gave him the sharpie. He doesn't know sign language so I didn't know how to communicate with him. He seemed like he meant the apology.'_

Jared rolled his eyes and put the paper in his pocket. "Oh, of course he meant the apology. Yea, let's believe the stoner kid now."  
" _I didn't say I believed him._ " Evan signed, " _It seems like he meant it. That's all._ "  
Jared scoffed, "Just… Just shut up, Evan."  
Evan wilted and grabbed his Chemistry books, waving a pitiful _bye_ before walking away.  
Jared watched him leave and suddenly felt it very hard to breath. He looked around to see people still staring at him. 'I gotta get out of here.'  
He tightened his grip on his backpack; he walked down the hall and turned a corner that led to the dead part of the school.  
None of the 'popular' kids hung out in the Dead Zone. It was mostly just druggies and the victims of bullies.  
It was Jared's second home.  
"Jared! Jared, how's everything?"  
Jared turned to see Alana Beck putting an unwelcome hand on his shoulder.  
Alana didn't belong in this section of the school. Sure, she didn't have many friends, but she wasn't bullied.  
And she certainly wasn't a druggie.  
Jared looked her over with confusion, and a little bit of disgust. "Alana? Wha-What are you doing here?"  
Alana smiled brightly, "I'm taking what Mr. Sillcen said to heart! You know, about making friends with people you wouldn't normally talk to?"  
Jared found himself rolling his eyes for the second time that day. "Are you serious?"  
"Of course I am!" Alana exclaimed, "I wouldn’t joke about this sort of thing."  
'Sure, Sure… I _totally_ believe you.' Jared thought. He gave Alana a glare and started to walk away.  
"Oh, and Jared?" Jared sighed and turned to look at her once more, "Try not to get into anymore fights."  
She winked at him and smiled, turning her back and walked away.  
"Thanks so much, Alana. I was totally going to go start another fucking fight." he mumbled to himself. God, why can't people just mind their own business?  
He reached the destination he had been looking for, a small janitor closet that most kids used to get stoned in.  
Jared didn’t use it to get stoned; he mostly just used it to skip class or avoid people.  
And the majority of the time, it was the second scenario.  
He walked in and shut the door, only leaving a faint light from a crack in the door to come in.  
Placing his backpack on the floor, he cleared off one the shelves from its cleaning supplies. When he finished his task, he crawled on top and snuggled in.  
He removed the flannel from his back and used it as a makeshift blanket, even though it only covered the top half of his body.  
He closed his eyes and felt his body drifting off. He wasn't sure if it was the stress or the fact that he only got four hours of sleep that made him so tired.  
But he was sure glad he had this place.  
Jared took a deep breath. The closet didn't smell amazing, but the smell of mildew, dust, and fresh pot could definitely make a person feel good.  
Wait. Fresh pot? That shouldn't be on the list.  
Jared bolted upright, smacking his head on the shelf above him.  
'Shit, shit, shit, _shit._ '  
"Who the fuck is there?" called a voice from above.  
Jared froze. He recognized the voice. The voice that was cold and uncaring. The voice that made him lose his cool yesterday.  
The voice that belonged to Connor fucking Murphy  
'I gotta get outta here.' Jared quickly slipped his flannel back on and tried to quietly sneak out.  
Jared scooted himself inch by inch, trying not to make a sound.  
He gritted his teeth. 'c'mon c'mon!'  
He got to the edge of the shelf when it finally decided to betray him; letting out a very large _SQUEAK_ as he rolled off.  
He heard Connor roll over above him. 'Well, it was nice being alive while I had the chance.'  
"I said who the fuc-" Connor stopped in the middle of his sentence, realizing the blob below him was Jared.  
"Oh… It's you."  
Jared closed his eyes. Should he be a dick? Connor was a dick first, but… he did punch him.  
Jared looked up at Connor, "Yea, it's me! Surprised?" Jared gave a fake grin and did jazz hands.  
Connor shrugged and laid back in his previous position, back to Jared and his front towards the wall.  
Jared frowned. That's not what he was expecting at all.  
'Take that as a hint to run. You don't need to prolong this.'  
Jared decided to listen to the voice in the back of his head, but as he was heading for the door, a question popped into his head that he just couldn’t shake.  
"Why aren't you attacking me right now?" Jared blurted. 'Should have ran, dumbass. Now you're dead.'  
He heard Connor sigh, almost sounding tired, "Because I'm high as fuck and I don't feel like getting into trouble again."  
"Soooo you're saying if you weren't high, you'd be beating my skull in?"  
He saw the figure of Connor Murphy shift so that he could only assume he was facing him.  
"No, I wouldn't. You had every right to punch me yesterday."  
'Oh yea, he's definitely high.'  
Jared nodded slowly, taking what Connor was saying as drug induced.  
"Well, I'm gonna go… Ya know… class and all." Jared said, stepping backwards to head out the closet.  
He had just gotten to the door when he heard Connor jump to the ground.  
"Wait, Jared!" Whelp, here comes his doom. "Have you… Have you talked to Evan yet?"  
Shit. Not this fiasco.  
Jared turned to face Connor's silhouette.  
"Um, yea. He-he showed me that you signed his cast. Real nice…" Jared wavered off. What was he doing?  
Connor scratched his arm, Jared assumed as a nervous tick, "Did he, um, understand?"  
"Understand what?"  
"That I apologized to him? I wasn't sure if he could read lips so… I just hope I didn’t freak him out… when I asked to sign his cas-"  
"He can read lips. You're fine. He even believed you and everything." Jared interrupted. He wasn't about to fall for Connor's 'apology'.  
He could feel Connor's glare through the darkness. "You don’t think I meant it?"  
Jared walked up to Connor, inches separating them. He wasn't sure where this sudden bravery came from, but hell if he wasn't gonna use it.  
"No one changes in a fucking night."  
Jared turned and walked towards the door yet again, but this time determined he was going to leave.  
He opened the door and stepped out when he heard a soft whisper that made him hesitate.  
"They do when they never meant it."  
Jared shook his head. Emo boy wasn't going to play his mind.  
Screw Connor Murphy, screw his 'apology', and screw Evan Hansen for having a damn cast.  
He walked out of the Dead Zone, going back to the hall where he had originally started.  
Seems like he was going to class after all.  
  
/'''/'''/'''/'''/'''/'''/

**Ev Acorn**

**J:** _Is there anyway we can remove that signature? Just seeing it makes me wanna puke._

 **Ev Acorn:** _I don't know? Honestly, Jared, I really don't mind it. It fills up the empty space._

 **J:** _You could have filled it up with someone else's! Someone who isn’t a cold hearted stoner._

**Ev Acorn:** _Like who?_

**J:** _Well, me for example!_

 **Ev Acorn:** _Yea, like you'd ever sign it. We're 'family friends' remember?_

 **J:** _Yea, well, sometimes I gotta break protocol!_

**Ev Acorn:** _Jared, we both know you don't mean that._

**J:** _Wtf is that supposed to mean??_

**Ev Acorn:** _Nothing…_

**Ev Acorn:** _Wanna come over? My mom is working late and I have money for pizza._

**J:** _I guess._

**J:** _But if this is just you bringing me over so I have to greet the delivery guy again, I'm gonna beat your anxious ass._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Connor are gonna have some... tension for a little while.  
> And poor Evan just wants some pizza.  
> Merry (somewhat early) Christmas to those who celebrate!  
> And to those who don't, I hope you're having/had a wonderful day!  
> I'm sorry this chapter is shorter. I've only had the chance to right at night due to family being here. And night writing makes me a little antsy.  
> I hope to plan a writing schedule (especially once school starts again) but for now it's going to be a bit irregular.  
> But I still hope you enjoy!  
> Leave kudos and comments!  
> 


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Evan chill for a bit. Jared runs into Connor yet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Contains: swearing, period talk (minor), slight transphobia (minor), and verbal/(small) physical fight

Jared reclined on Evan's couch; he was waiting for the buzz of the doorbell which would signal that the pizza had arrived.

Somehow, Evan had convinced him to greet the pizza guy… again. God, the anxious wreck was insufferable.

He heard the soft buzz of the doorbell and jumped up to get it; he was always exited for some hot pizza.

Jared opened the door and greeted the pizza boy, exchanging the money for the delicious pizza.

He opened the pizza box and breathed in the juicy aroma. Nothing could beat cheese pizza.

He plopped the pizza on the coffee table in front of the TV. Evan's eyes stared at the pizza, his eyes flashing with lust.

"Go ahead, acorn, don't stop me from letting you fuck the pizza."

" _Shut up!_ " Evan signed. He leaned forward and grabbed a slice and greedily bit into it

Jared rolled his eyes but smiled. Evan was a dork, but he was _Jared's_ dork. Sadly.

He sat down with his slice and grabbed he remote, turning on the TV.

"What do you wanna watch?" Jared asked, talking with his mouth full. 

Evan gave him a dirty glare he knew all to well; It translated to, ' _Jared, I don’t know what the you're fucking saying._ '

 Jared put his pizza down in his lap, sending Evan into a disgusted sputter, and signed to him, " _What do you want to watch?_ "

Evan gave him a disgusted look but signed back, " _G-O-T-H-A-M_ "

"Gotham? But didn't that give you nightmares?" Jared teased.

" _Just turn it on!_ " Evan pouted. Jared chuckled and pressed play on Gotham, making sure the subtitles were on for Evan.

Jared relaxed for the first time since yesterday. Who knew all you needed was pizza, a deaf boy, and a TV show to help you relax?

Twenty minutes into the episode, he felt his phone vibrate. It was an Instagram message from… Zoe Murphy?

Jared had to chuckle. Zoe Murphy was sliding into his DMs? Comical.

**JazzyZo**

_Hey Jared! I know this is odd that I'm messaging you, but I just feel I have to apologize for my brother. He's an awful person and he shouldn't have said what he said… Especially to someone like Evan._

This was the last thing Jared wanted to deal with. Why couldn't people just let it go?

**J.Hackman**

_It's not a big deal, really. Evan is a big boy who can take care of himself. Also, why aren't you apologizing to him? I mean, not that it                                                 matters, your brother already beat you to it._

**JazzyZo**

_Connor?? He… What??_

Jared rolled his eyes. Can't people read?

Then again, if he had to live with Connor Murphy, I guess he could understand how that would be hard to believe.

**J.Hackman**

_Yea. Connor apologized to Evan this morning. He said he was sorry about what he said and asked to sign his cast. I don't believe him,                                               but I think the Acorn fell for it._

**JazzyZo**

_Oh. To be honest, I wouldn't believe him either. Connor is… insane and I really wouldn't trust a word his says. But I wouldn’t take that away from Evan, he seems to need something to hold onto._

                                          **J.Hackman**

                                        _What's that supposed to mean? You want him to hold onto the words of an insane person? That's a bit risky._

**JazzyZo**

_All I'm saying is that those words could be something he holds onto. Like, it could be something that made him feel, I don't know, better? It may be a lie, but sometimes it's best for some people to be in the dark._

                                        **J.Hackman**

                                        _Yea, until the one being left in the dark is you._

**JazzyZo**

_Do what you want. He's your friend. Just know I'm sincerely sorry for what he did, and I'll try to make sure he doesn't do it again._

                                        **J.Hackman**

                                        _Family Friend*... and thanks, Zoe._

**JazzyZo**

_Anytime._

Jared put his phone back into his pocket. 'That wasn't a conversation I'd ever think of having.'

He turned his attention back to the TV; he had put on a episode that featured Jerome, Jared's favorite character. Damn, that boy was a snack.

It's when he leaned forward to grab another piece of pizza when he felt it. Something he always prayed would disappear.

He ran to the bathroom in record time, knowing what it was but hoping it was just a false alarm.

He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. His hopes had come true: false alarm.

Jared leaned his head back and chuckled. He should have known it wasn't.

He would have been attacked with horrifying cramps if it were.

He heard a soft knock on the door. 'God, Evan must be freaking out.'

Jared, suddenly bolting to the bathroom with not even a hint of explanation? That would make a normal person anxious.

Jared washed his hands, even thought he didn't use the bathroom, and opened the door, confirming his suspicions.

" _Are you alright? Do you need me to get you anything? Do I-_ " Jared grabbed Evan's hands to make him stop signing; he could feel Evan's hands trembling slightly.

"I'm perfectly fine, Evan. It was just a false alarm." Evan seemed to calm down a bit and Jared led him back to the couch.

"Let's just… settle down and finish Gotham." Evan nodded and plunked back on the couch. He noticed there was one slice left of pizza and offered it to Jared.

"Why don’t you want it?" Jared asked, taking the piece anyways, "You always want the last piece."

Evan shrugged, " _Think of it as a thank you…_ " A pause, " _for yesterday._ "

Jared nodded, not exactly sure how to respond. "N-no problem."

Evan didn’t catch his reply; he had turned his attention back to the show.

Jared ate the last piece slowly. Everything that was happening was starting to make his head hurt.

He wasn't quite sure if it was a good hurt or a bad on.

But at least he can enjoy this pizza while it lasted.

/'''/'''/'''/'''/'''/'''/'''/

Jared sat on the sidewalk. The air around him was pretty chilly for late August, but he really didn’t mind.

He was finally alone.

He had told Evan that he would take a bus, but in reality he was walking home. Jared didn't tell Evan in fear that he would freak out again.

Now, he was just sitting here. Thinking about… everything.

But one thing kept popping into his mind: Connor Murphy.

He thought about his apology to Evan and how he signed his cast. He thought about what he whispered in the closet.

This was a boy who threw a printer at his teacher because he wanted to be line leader, which, of course, was back in fourth grade… but still!

Imagine what he could do now.

'Why am I even thinking about him? I should be thinking about things that give me nice thoughts not… ragey ones.'

No matter what he did, though, he couldn't shake Connor from his mind.

'I'll just take the long route home. I need to get him out of my head.'

So, that's what he did.

Jared knew his parents wouldn’t care if his was late, they were hardly ever home anyways.

Even if they were home, they probably wouldn't give a rats ass.

It was one of the many wonders of growing up as Jared Kleinman, having shit parents. Yippee.

Jared snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of a car beeping loudly. It wasn't beeping at him, but at a figure that was dashing across the street.

"Watch where you're fucking going, asshole!" the driver yelled.

'Damn, he seems to be in a _great_ mood.' Jared continued his walk down the lonely sidewalk, becoming lost in thought yet again.

So lost in thought, that he didn't even notice the figure walking briskly towards him.

Until it was much too late.

Jared and the figure collided and fell to the ground, Jared landing on top, basically straddling them.

His hands were on the strangers chest, and his eyes were shut tightly.

'What just happened? Am I dead?'

Jared's brain finally processed what kind of position he was in; he bolted upright and started apologizing profusely, starting to almost sound like Evan.

"I so so _so_ sorry. I was thinking about stuff and I wasn't watching where I was walking an--" He stopped.

Jared hadn't meant to stop, but when he realized who he was straddling, he wished he hadn't taken the long way home.

"Jared, it's fine. I-I was deep in thought too. We were both--"

"What are you doing out here?!" Jared practically yelled, scooting backwards so he was sitting on the pavement.

He noticed Connor flinch a bit but decided to ignore it.

Connor's face hardened, basically how he always looked. "I'm taking a walk. It helps clear my head."

Jared scoffed. The universe truly did hate him.

"And what was the great Connor Murphy clearing his head about?"

Connor rolled his eyes, "You should know, Kleinman."

Yea. He knew. But why would Connor need to clear his head? This didn’t exactly affect him. There weren't people staring and misgendering him.

If anything, people avoid him. That would be Jared's dream right now.

"Yea, like you’re _so_ affected by this."

Connor gave him an incredulous look. "Did you _seriously_ just say that?"

Jared shrugged. He wasn't really sure how to reply.

"Ever since _you_ punched me, people have been saying I'm gonna shoot up the fucking school. People avoid me like I'm the plague." Connor looked down at his hands. "Well, more now then they used to."

Jared crossed his legs, the cold from the sidewalk was seeping through his jeans. "To be honest, I'd rather be treated as the plague then be called a _she_ or an _it_."

Connor let out a rough laugh. "You say that now, but when it really happens, you'll start whining like you do everyday."

"Fuck off! I do not!"

"You do too! I'll be walking down the hall and I'll hear you complain about how the store ran out of your favorite snack, or how the villagers in Minecraft aren't 'cute enough.'"

Jared pointed a finger at Connor, "Hey, that's a serious issue!"

Connor rolled his eyes and stood up, offering his hand out to Jared. Jared took it.

Jared brushed himself off and looked back up at Connor. He never really got to notice the height difference between them, but to say the least, Connor was a giant. 

"What're you staring at, Kleinman?" Connor asked, defensive.

"I'm staring at a tall piece of shit who made me hurt my ass."

Connor scoffed, crossing his arms. "Jesus Christ you really are an ass. Why does Evan even put up with you?"

Maybe it was being called an ass, or maybe it was the insensitive comment about Evan, but Jared found himself punching Connor for the second time in two days.

'Damn, my ma will be proud.'

Unlike last time, Jared only managed to punch his neck, due to the fact that Connor was basically towering over him.

Connor stepped back a couple paces, his mouth agape. "What the actual fuck?"

"Don't give me that shit!" Jared screamed, "You think you have a right to say shit like that? Just because you're all emo and alone?"

"Oh, like you wouldn't say it!" Connor yelled back, messaging his neck, "You're such a hypocrite. You say more fucked up shit than I do. Hell, you laughed during the holocaust video, and you're Jewish!"

Jared felt his whole body tremble. He felt tears starting to form in his eyes, a lovely feature that happened when he was extremely frustrated.

"J-Just shut up!" The tears were threatening to spill.

"Fucking make me, _Jared_." Connor sneered, his voice dripping with sarcasm, especially when he said his name.

"Zoe was right," Jared's voice quivered as he looked up at Connor, "you are an awful person."

That seemed to work.

Connor was taken back. He stuttered around what to say, but before he could get anything out, Jared was already shoving past him.

'I should have just gone the short way home. I'm so fucking stupid!' Jared thought as he ran down the street.

He thought he heard Connor yell after him, but it was probably just his brain fucking with him. He couldn't deal with this shit anymore.

Jared finally made it to his home. He went in and leaned against the door, letting the tears finally slide down his face.

'Jesus, why am I crying? I'm such a little bitch.' he thought as he rubbed his eyes.

He finally calmed himself down. This affect that Connor had on him, he didn’t like it. Not. One. Bit.

"I need… to sleep." he whispered to himself. Completely drained, Jared picked himself off the floor and went to his room.

He didn't even bother to undress; he didn't have the energy to, so he plopped down onto his bed, wrapping the blanket around his head as a sort of hood.

Before Jared drifted off to sleep, he pulled out his phone and sent a quick message to Zoe.

** J.Hackman**

                                        _Your brother is a grade A asshole._

And with that, he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I'm posting this at two in the morning.  
> I feel so dead but I'm kinda happy with this.  
> I hope you guys are having a good weekend and I hope you guys are getting better sleep than me.  
> I was literally just watching Newsies on my computer instead of sleeping sooooo  
> Goodnight loves!  
> Leave kudos and comments!


	4. ANNOUNCMENT

Hi, this is just a small announcment saying the next chapter is gonna take a little bit. Christmas break is over for me and it's so hard finding time to write between school and play rehearsal. 

I'm going to try my best to write this weekend and hopefully I'll be able to post a chapter around next week. 

If you want to contact me or see updates, I created a sideblog on tumblr called sketchsleep-repeat. Or if you want to check out my musical blog you can follow slushietrees.

I hope you guys understand and I promise I'll try my best to make a schedule soon. 

Sincerly, M


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